whispers, passenger

i am tired of just being a fucking body to men

i like having a brain and i like when my thoughts are acknowledged 
i’m tired of just being a fucking body
i’m tired of my fucking face

it’s so insulting because when i am given a genuine compliment
i can’t let myself accept it
i am so accustomed to being treated like a conquest
i always feel like the underlying motive is just to lay with me
sometimes i feel like i’m at a point where i don’t know which lie would get you what you want because i feel like i don’t really know if i care
it is always a lie

everything that comes out of peoples mouths
or finger tips
is about placing you in a fuckzone 

"i can tell that youre latina"
really what made you able to tell my ethnicity before you looked at my face MY FUCKING BODY BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY LEVEL OF GETTING TO KNOW ME THAT YOU DESIRE

compliments are not ever genuine, they are actually just manipulations
there is nothing more depressing than thinking about the fact that i have actually lost female friends due to the lack of male attention they get in comparison to me “because of my looks” IS THIS CYCLE REALLY WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE A PART OF? that is such a weak mentality regardless but its still so fucking shitty that it is what it is 

there is nothing more depressing than somebody looking you in the eye and lying to you, telling you you are beautiful and expecting some kind of weak in the knees reaction so they can soften you up and mould you into the girl they bring home and fuck and dispose of

everybody treats you like you are nothing but a body and a face
but in reality you are a fucking collection of thoughts and feelings but nobody fucking cares because you are “pretty” enough to fuck and forget

this whole world of adulthood and dating and meaninglessness is stupid and i dont care about it yet its the only fucking world i am invited into and i’m bored and exhausted and i want to cry and punch myself in the face

You punish yourself for being yourself.
― My counsellor

i am literally experiencing my first sad/angry hang over in over a year and all i want to do is listen to courtney love and hole and cry and hate boys and myself